The answer is, “Yes, all of the above.” There are many styles of profile writing and it’s hard to say which will be the right one for you. In this article we lay out the most common profile styles and discuss their pros and cons.

The Autobiography

In this style, you talk about yourself through your past. You talk about where you came from, list your achievements, and discuss significant events in your life, ultimately with a view to explaining how you ended up here, in this city, doing online dating.

This is a very common style, and for that reason alone some wariness is called for. It has the potential to be a little dry. Worse, it can seem needy; “Why are you telling me all this stuff already, I don’t even know you!” You risk giving away too much at the start, which means you’ll have no surprises for later on.

However, if done well, the autobiography can provide a deep insight. The things you choose to talk about will reveal a lot about what’s important to you. Also, by providing a lot of information you give your reader the chance to find commonalities, and hence an excuse to write or respond to you. Done well, the autobiography takes the reader on a little journey – a studio tour of your life. If you manage to engage with a very personal style, your reader may feel like they already know you (a little bit) before having met you.

Verdict: use The Autobiography sparingly – it should constitute no more than a paragraph of your profile. Tell your highly abbreviated life story early on in the profile and make sure you do so with humor and spirit.

The Self Portrait

Caring less about your past, you are instead more interested in talking about your current life. This style is a snapshot, a portrait, of the person you are and the life you lead right now. You talk about a range of likes and dislikes, you list the things you do for fun, describe your work, your favorite holiday destinations, your hobbies.

This style is also very common, and so, again, you need to be careful to make it stand out from the crowd. Most people’s lives involve a lot of ordinary stuff. Even the fun stuff is mundane if every second profile mentions it. This doesn’t mean to say that you shouldn’t talk about some of the “ordinary” things; just do so in an interesting way. Do you like to go out dancing? So talk about how dancing transports you and releases your passions. Do you work a dead-end job? Then laugh about it and talk about your dreams also. Do you love going to restaurants? What’s your favorite, and how does their most delicious dish make you feel?

Verdict: elements of the Self Portrait are valuable – perhaps critical. It’s important to show that you have an active life when you’re not trawling a dating site. Find the right balance between exciting, quirky, and mundane-yet-revealing.

Dear Santa

In this style you communicate your personality by describing the qualities that you appreciate in others. You talk about your ideal match’s personality, likes and dislikes, passions and dreams, and even beliefs. You reveal yourself through the person you want to be with.

This approach can be effective, but also demands much caution. The main danger is in seeming selfish and inflexible. It’s all about what YOU want, and to hell with anyone who doesn’t fit your predetermined requirements. Yet, done carefully, this approach will show that you’re a person who knows what they want and can afford to be picky.

This style achieves something even more important: done well, it suggests that *you* possess all of the awesome qualities that you demand in your partner. You deserve a loyal, brilliant, honest, beautiful, athletic, accomplished, family-oriented, and/or compassionate partner, implying that these are exactly the qualities that you are offering.

Another word of warning: if you use elements of this style, be sure to focus on what you DO want, and not on what you DON’T want. The latter will make you sound negative, whiney, and shrewish. Leave that stuff out.

Verdict: use this style sparingly, and only talk about positive qualities that, a) are absolutely essential, and b) you offer in return. It’s possible to exaggerate this style in a humorous way, but only do this if you’re naturally hilarious.

Once Upon a Time

In this style you don’t talk directly about your specific qualities, or even about the qualities you desire in others. Instead you offer a series of stories and anecdotes that convey these things. You pepper your tales with clues about your values, desires, history, and circumstances.

You might tell that childhood anecdote about your early morning paper round, and how that turned you into a damned-hard worker who *loves* to sleep in. Or

This style is tricky because it requires a little more imagination. However it can be very rewarding because, well, it shows that you have imagination! It also puts your fine qualities in the context of your interesting life, and so grants the reader a deeper insight into the real you.

Verdict: it’s a great idea to throw a very brief story or two into your profile. Highly recommended. However it’s best not to make it your whole profile; drop out of storyteller mode to speak more conversationally to your reader.

e-Therapy

Your reader is your therapist, and your computer chair is the shrink’s couch. You lie back and psychoanalyze yourself for the entire online world to see. You talk about your dreams and fears, you delve into your emotions, and most of all you do your very best to describe the type of person you are. This is a maximum-honesty approach. Rather than revealing your personality through anecdotes, achievements, and lists of likes and dislikes, you simply tell your reader about your personality.

The advantage of this approach is candor: nothing is hidden, nothing is ambiguous, and there is no need to read between the lines. This style works well for extremely forthright people; for people who really detest the idea of “playing games”. It’s also useful for people who have *cough* strong personality quirks that are best revealed up-front.

The problem with this style is that, like the autobiography, it leaves very little to the imagination. You describe your personality, and you *hope* that you describe it accurately enough to give your reader a sense of the real you. Unfortunately it’s impossible to describe a personality *perfectly* in only a few paragraphs, and so your reader may be left with a wonky, two-dimensional impression that doesn’t do you justice. Sometimes it’s better to give hints of your personality so that the reader is left free to imagine deeper depths – and to be excited about exploring those depths. The other danger with the e-Therapy approach is that it can make you seem narcissistic. Remember, your reader’s only experience of you is these few paragraphs. If you spend them performing a very serious self-analysis, they may think, “Wow, are you this into yourself all the time??”

Verdict: this is the style to use most sparingly. A line or two describing your personality is enough. Such a succinct summary of yourself can give powerful insight and demonstrate self-knowledge. Just be careful.

The Collage

This is not so much a unique style in itself, but rather a combination of other styles. The idea is to offer a selection of intriguing glimpses into your life, your passions, your dreams, and your quirks. You don’t tell your life story, nor do you give a complete psychological profile. Instead you offer just enough random tidbits–some fundamental, some minor–to pique interest and convey personality.

The things you choose to talk about may seem a little random: in one breath you’ll talk about one of your dream of becoming a psychologist and the next it’ll be your love of candied popcorn. The point is not to reveal everything; it’s to reveal a few delicious morsels that will leave your reader wanting more.

The collage can be a very effective style for a number of reasons. It will, of course, reveal a selection of qualities on which to build a connection. This selection will be an incomplete picture, and so you also communicate a lot in what you choose to talk about, and what you leave out. This style will demonstrate that you don’t feel the need to tell your life story to complete strangers in order to attract them. It also reveals you as a spontaneous, imaginative person who is capable of free-flowing thought, and of breaking the script.

The danger with this style is that it can take a bit of skill to make it flow well. Done poorly, it can sound erratic or stilted, and perhaps even a little fake. So if you choose this style then don’t try to fake a free-flowing style. Really do write it as a brainstorm, perhaps editing it a bit later.

Verdict: most of the best profiles are some form of collage. Dabble in the styles above, let your profile evolve as you have fun with it, and this is the style you’ll end up with.

You can portray your quirks in different ways. The simplest is to simply list quirky things about yourself. You can also pepper the more serious parts of your profile with off-hand descriptions of your idiosyncrasies. You can tell stories that reveal some of your adorable oddities in an amusing context. As long as you’re writing with your own voice, in a conversational tone, and having fun, your quirks should emerge naturally.

Even so, it can surprisingly difficult to even know what your own quirks are. If you’re having trouble thinking of them, your best bet is to ask somebody close to you. Ask your best friend or an ex-lover (or a current one). Ask a sibling, ask your mom.

Here are some of the things that you might think about:

Peculiar tastes: What’s the most embarrassing thing on your iPod? Your favorite gross-but-effective hangover breakfast? What’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to trash fiction? Do you like road trips in thunderstorms? Desert before dinner?

Eccentric habits: Is it showtunes in the shower? Conversations with your house plants?  Do you twirl your hair when nervous around a cute guy, or bite your lip when a hot girl smiles at you?

Weird hobbies: From amateur astronomy to flamenco guitar to zeppelin-flying, we all have something that we like to geek out about. Don’t be shy.

Unusual possessions: Is your prize possession 1978 custom Ducati sports bike? Or is it your mint-condition Spiderman number-one? Does your collection of vinyl put the biggest music nerds to shame?

Strange skills: Are you really, really good at climbing trees? Are you a genius at Scrabble? Do you make the world’s best strawberry daiquiri? Can you touch the tip of your nose with your tongue?!  Seriously, we need to know.

Physical oddities: Do your eyes change color when you get mad? Got a tatt of Santa Maria de Guadalupe on your shoulder? Do you look like someone famous? Or infamous?

Bizarre anecdotes: Weird things happen. No doubt some of them have happened to you. Perhaps your parents are acrobats, or you were raised by beekeepers. Were you once kicked out of band camp? Mugged by an Elvis impersonator?

Quirky humor: This one you’ll need to work out for yourself, although you might find some tips [here]. Don’t go overboard, but do give your reader a teaser of your adorably dorky sense of humor.

Of course, there are some quirks that you really probably shouldn’t talk about in your profile. You’re going to have to use your judgment on this, but as a general rule anything that’s distinctly negative can probably be skipped. You don’t need to discuss your skin condition, your diaper fetish (unless it’s that sort of site), or the fact that you tend to scream the name of your high school sweetheart during sex. Have a little common sense, and if in doubt, ask someone!

Let’s look at Match.com one detail at a time…

It’s huge!

With well over a million active users, Match.com is more than twice as large as the next biggest sites. Critical mass is of users is key in any online endeavour – people want to use the site that everyone else is using. There is often only one winner in this game – Facebook, YouTube, Google, eBay … and Match.com. Match.com is easily the winner for mainstream online daters in the US. Wherever you are in the US, Match.com will have a selection of dating options for you. This is really the secret to Match.com’s success. In most ways it’s a very standard online dating site; it follows the basic formula, and does it well. However it has reached a position of dominance, and so has become the default site for most e-daters. Other US sites can only compete by catering to more specific demographics.

It’s a paid site

The subscription fee is ~$20 per month, as long as you’re willing to commit to at least 3 months. Otherwise it’s ~$40 per month. With the basic package you can send as many messages or winks as you like. Without the basic subscription you can’t even view messages sent to you, let alone respond to them. At the same time, an unpaid profile still appears in searches, but there’s no indication of subscription status. This is a little annoying because it’s impossible to tell whether the person you email is even able to open your message.

The paid nature of the site means that it attracts people who are pretty serious about meeting somebody. This means that you’ll probably find fewer flakes than on a free site like OkCupid or PlentyofFish. Anyone with a membership on Match.com is unlikely to be there “just for a lark”. Match.com users have taken a proactive step towards finding a partner, which may be good or bad, depending on what you’re looking for. If you’d rather come to the dating table with fewer expectations, then some of the Match.com demographic may be too relationship-focused for your tastes. On the other hand, if you’re willing to pay the fee then you’re probably in the same place as the rest of the Match crowd.

There are many options for upgrading your membership. You can pay separately to have your profile highlighted, or to have your profile emailed more often to new members, or to access Match.com from your cell phone (for complete addicts), or even to see when people open your messages (for the neurotic).

Although Match.com is a paid service, it still has ads. It even has annoying pop-ups, although these are related to the site itself.

Detailed profiling

When you fill out your Match.com profile, you are presented with a long series of multiple choice options to describe yourself. These cover everything from appearance to  lifestyle to background and values. And in case you feel that you don’t fit in those little check boxes, never fear – most sections allow you to add your own text to describe what a unique snowflake you really are. You also get to pidgeonhole your ideal date — from your preferred hair color to ethnicity to field of employment. You can also search for people based on this huge range of criteria. So if all you really want is a heavyset, blonde sagitarrius who’s into body piercings and owns gerbils … well, you probably won’t find one, but you sure can search.

The Demographic

As the biggest online dating site in the US, Match.com naturally has a fairly broad user base, covering the full spectrum of age groups, nationalities, and socio-economic levels. It could be said that Match.com users tend towards the mainstream; scan through 50 profiles and you will see a lot of repetition. However there are so many people on Match.com that you’ll eventually find that special spark. As mentioned, its users shell out around $20 a month for the service, so they’re more likely to be looking for relationships.

Functionality

The site is very well established, and everything works… as long as you’ve paid your subscription. If not, the site is designed to be simultaneously tantalizing and annoying, and you’ll find yourself being redirected to the subscription page again and again.

The search function works well, and you can search based on a staggering array of criteria. Privacy options aren’t bad, but could be better – you can block individual users from sending you emails, but not from seeing your profile. The instant messaging system works well, and you can switch it off if you find IMs annoying.

Is it for you?

It’s free to search Match.com, so go browse through some profiles and see what you think. There are so many people on the site that it’s likely you’ll find one or two who take your fancy. However it might take you a while; the search criteria are extensive, but in a way superficial, so you may have to trawl through a lot of profiles before you find someone to connect with. If you have specific tastes, it might be more efficient to find a more specialized site, but if you want the broadest range of options, then Match.com is probably the site for you.

The Lowdown

Pros:

• enormous user base
• broad range of users
• easy to use
• users typically serious about meeting someone

Cons:

• it’ll cost you
• you don’t know whether the person you message can read it or respond
• ads, even though it’s a paid site
• can’t block people from seeing your profile

Here are things you should know about OkCupid…

It’s free

You don’t have to pay, which is good. This also means that the users of OkCupid tend to be a more casual crowd. A lot of them are just there for laughs – to do quizzes or to chat – and don’t want to actually meet up with people. Users of paid sites tend to be more ’serious’ about online dating – after all, they shell out a monthly fee for the privilege – and so may be more likely to meet you. They may also be more likely to want to marry and have kids with you. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you’re looking for.

A paid option was recently introduced to OkCupid. This ~$4 monthly investment gives you a few extra options – you can award other users with special badges, you get highlighted in searches, and a couple of other small advantages. It’s a small charge compared to paid sites, but the free version is fully functional without it.

The site is supported by ads instead of subscription revenue, but the ads aren’t too intrusive – no annoying pop-ups for example.

It’s has quizzes and tests!

One of the coolest features of OkCupid is the unique matching system. Answer questions in a never-ending quiz to to determine your compatibility with other users. Each question asks for a multiple choice response, gauging your feelings about a particular issue – social, political, sexual, and more. You are also asked to give your perfect partner’s response – how do you want your dream boy/girl to think? – and also an indication of how important that question is to you. There are many hundreds of questions, and you can answer as many as you like. When you look at another profile, OkCupid compares responses from questions that you both answered, and calculates a % match, a % friend, and a % enemy. You can also click the “compare” button and you will be present with a detail statistical analysis of your relative levels of kinkiness, compassion, coolness, and anything else that the quiz has measured.

The usefulness of the OkCupid matching system depends very much on how honest you are with yourself, and on how well you really know your own preferences in a partner. If the answer to both of those is “reasonably well”, then the system is actually pretty good. You’ll have a hell of a lot more in common with a 90% match than a 60% match, but don’t sweat a difference of only a few percentage points.

This match system is a significant improvement over the usual dating site questionaires that ask you for the most superficial criteria – physical attributes, wealth, education, political affiliation, etc. While these things may be important, OkCupid’s system is much, much better at identifying ‘your peeps’ – folks that you might have a real connection with.

The questionaire is also used to award you with badges that appear below your profile, labelling you as things like “more desiring of love”, “less adventurous”, and “more kinky” than the average user.

And then there are the tests. These are great fun, especially if you don’t mind being pidgeonholed. Answer a series of questions and OkCupid will determine dating persona, whether you are a geek, nerd or dork, and even the accuracy of your gaydar. Some of these tests are designed by OkCupid, but most are submitted by enthusiastic users. There are thousands upon thousands of these tests, and they help to make OkCupid a real community site. On the down side, these tests might be a little TOO fun, because there are lots of people who sign up just to do the tests, and have no desire to meet new people.

One other point in favor of the quiz and tests – they offer a handy excuse if you ever need to lie about why you joined the site. For all you scaredy cats out there.

It’s a community

OkCupid has been very successful in building an online community. The forum is very active, full of online dating anecdotes and ‘expert’ advice. If you ask nicely, you’ll get lots of (usually) useful feedback on your profile and your photos. Each OkCupid profile comes with a blog. For the most part these go unused, but if you see that your subject of interest has some blog entries you should definitely read them for that bit of extra insight. You can even mess with other people’s profiles – in a very limited way; you can suggest edits, and if you have a paid a-list account you can give out special awards.

The official OkCupid blog, OkTrends, is something altogether different. Found at blog.okcupid.com, OkTrends presents some truly fascinating studies of the habits of OkCupid users. Want to know which enthicities or religious groups respond to which? Curious whether starting a message with “hi” or “how’s it going” gets a higher response rate? Ever pondered the effect of including the word “zombie” in your missives? OkTends will tell you.

And last of all, the IM feature. It works, and can be great for having random chats with complete strangers without exchanging any contact information. You can chat with as many people as you like at once. You can also block the use of this feature, or filter which people can contact you. If fact, so many people block its use – perhaps most of the women on the site – that its use has become somewhat limited.

It’s relatively uncensored

Since it’s free, OkCupid doesn’t need to police the content of profiles for illegal contact information. You’ll often see links to peoples’ other sites, YouTube vids, and whatnot in their profiles. You’ll also see more profanity and sexually explicit text than in paid, mainstream sites. Photos with nudity and truly obnoxious profiles (or ads for prostitutes) are flagged by users and usually removed pretty quickly.

It’s big

And OkCupid is getting bigger and bigger. At the time of writing there are typically between 10,000 and 20,000 users logged on at a time. There are over half a million reasonably active users. It’s predominately a US site, but is also somewhat active in the UK and Canada.

The demographic

The demographic is definitely a little younger than mainstream paid sites like match.com and chemistry.com. It’s free and it’s fun, and has developed the reputation of being a little edgier than the other big sites, and so the majority of users are in their 20’s, although there are still plenty of 30- and 40-somethings.

Functionality

The site is fairly mature, and everything works pretty well.

Privacy options are OK – you can block others from turning up in your searches, and you can filter who can and can’t message or IM you based on a range of criteria. One glaring omission is that you can’t block individual people from viewing your profile, which sucks if you find your boss on the site before she finds you…

The search function is decent – you can search based on a range of criteria (including some test results) or keywords within the profile, and you can order the results in many different ways. One slight issue is the navigation to the search page – the “Search” button doesn’t lead to a criteria search. To get this you need to click on “Match”. I’ve had reports of  people being confused by this.

Is it for you?

Well, it’s free, so it’s only a small investment in time to give it a shot. In general, it’s best for a slightly younger (at heart) crowd. If you wouldn’t mind dabbling in online dating, but want a laid-back approach, then OkCupid is a great option. If you want to meet people who aren’t fervently searching for their one-true love, then OkCupid could be for you. If you like doing quizzes and tests, then sign up immediately. However the OkCupid crowd is a little less mainstream, so if that’s not you then you’ll have less luck.

The Lowdown

Pros:

• it’s free
• fun quizzes and tests
• innovative and effective matching system
• active online community aspect
• less ’serious’ users

Cons:

• some users aren’t there to meet people
• some profanity may be found – if that shit bothers you
• no way to block others from seeing your profile
• less ’serious’ users

“One of my Yale professors once told me that I have Audrey Hepburn eyes. Sleezy, huh? For some reason I still really liked that old guy In the summer he’d teach class outside. That’s why I’m so good at corporate law and macroeconomic theory–I learned it sitting under a pretty tree!”

“I love travel. I’ve been to almost every continent (Africa, here I come!) Sad thing is I’m terrified of flying ”

At some point in your profile you’re going to need to talk about yourself. Most people find this difficult, and that’s understandable. How do you talk about all your great qualities without seeming arrogant? How do you list your accomplishments without it looking like a CV? Of course you want to communicate some of your desirable qualities, but there are many ways to do it without sounding like you’re at a job interview. Let’s take a look at some options…

One of my Yale professors once told me that I have Audrey Hepburn eyes. Sleezy, huh? For some reason I still really liked that old guy. In the summer he’d teach class outside. That’s why I’m so good at corporate law and macroeconomic theory–I learned it sitting under a pretty tree

My favorite way to spend a weekend is to grab some friends after work on Friday (you if you’re lucky), and jump in my car. I have this little place in the Hamptons. It’s kind of run down, but that’s OK because we’ll spend most of the time sailing anyway. Sound good?

I’m an Ivy League valedictorian, but I learned everything I need to know from Family Guy. Stewie is my sensei.

I can cook a dahl that has made people shed tears of joy. Or was it pain? I use a lot of chilli. Yum.

I’ve been told I look like Cameron Diaz. I’ve also been told I look like Lisa Simpson. Go figure.

I love travel. I’ve been to almost every continent (Africa, here I come!) Sad thing is I’m terrified of flying

Yeah, I topped my class at Yale and earn buckets of money on Wall St, but am I happy?? … Hell yeah! But it’s because I actually *love* my job–who knew finance could be such a riot?–but much more importantly I love my family and friends: they keep me humble (sort of).

I’m whip-smart, hilarious, a karaoke god, and can drink you under the table any day of the week. But the most important thing is that I’ll always, always get your drunken, comatose home safe, and you’ll wake up in the morning with a big smile on your face … after you try my famous three-cheese omelet.

The flip side of this is that you really do need to have a sense of humor. We can’t tell you how, and we can’t make you funny. Happily most people are capable of illiciting a laugh or two, at least now and then. We’re going to assume that you qualify as “most people”. However, even if you’re the class clown or the life of the party, you need to be a little careful when you try to translate this comic genius online.  A lot of things that work in “real life” fail miserably,  even disastrously, in text. We’re going to discuss the two main dangers in trying to be funny online: overdoing it, and poor translation. 

Overdoing it: This is a very common error. If you try too hard to be funny then you’ll come across as… well, try-hard. You’ll also sound fake. There’s a fine line between “This person is funny!” and “This person thinks they’re funny.” Just remember, not every sentence in your profile needs to send your reader into hysterics. If you make your reader laugh a few times that’s great, but you also need to connect with this person on other levels. If they come away from your profile knowing that you are freakin’ hilarious, but absolutely nothing else about you, then maybe they’ll hire you for their kid’s birthday party, but don’t count on getting any action after.

Poor translation: some things just don’t work in text format. Without the benefit of the accompanying facial expressions, tonality, and timing, things that are hilarious when told live fall flat in text. Worse, they can be misinterpreted with fatal consequences.

The worst culprit is sarcasm. This form of humor is dangerous enough when backed up with the full force of your subtle comic presense, let alone as a string of ASCII characters. What may be intended as a playful jibe or flirtatious tease can come across as arrogant and insulting.

This is not to say that you should avoid sarcasm altogether. On the contrary: if you have a sarcastic sense of humor then by all means convey it, even at the risk of alienating those not clever (or thick-skinned) enough to handle your teases. There’s nothing wrong with a little filtering. However you still need to be careful. Understand  that your reader can’t see your raised eyebrow or your wry half-smile. Exercise more moderation and care in your sarcasm than you might for in-person encounters. Be cleverly sarcastic, and don’t just blatantly insult your reader.

Other types of humor also require a little care in translation. Whimsical humor can seem overly erratic and random … or just plain crazy. Black humor can seem serial-killer-ish. Puns, which may be adorably bad in person, can  be just plain old bad in text. And actual jokes? Well, besides the fact that a well-told joke is as much about timing and tone than the punchline, transcribing a joke into your profile or email doesn’t help to communication your own sense of humor.

How do you avoid these mistakes? There are simple measures to ensure that your humor is actually funny. First: give it time. Re-read your profile a day later and see if it still seems so hilarious. Re-read that email a few minutes later (before you send it!) to make sure it doesn’t sink like a lead balloon. Second, and even better, get someone else to read your witticisms before unleashing them on the Internet. The point here is perspective.  It’s very hard to have an objective view of your own humor in the heat of composition. Give it a few minutes, a day, or a second set of eyes. And if in doubt, skip it. Earnest communication is far, far better than failed humor.

So much for what not to do. Our advice for what to do is, unfortunately, less detailed. That’s because the best way to be successfully funny is to do exactly what we’ve been telling you to do all along (here and here for example). That is: find your writing voice, relax, quit over-analysing, and enjoy yourself. If you have a funny anecdote that communicates good things about youself, tell it! Laugh about your flaws and quirks. Be cocky about your good qualities. Let your natural sense of humor shine forth.  Have fun with it and you’ll come across as fun, and, hopefully, funny as well. Relax, but also re-read! Now that you’re aware of the dangers of BAD humor, good humor should emerge naturally.

So your tagline is important. It’s the distilled essense of your profile. For this reason we recommend writing it last. With the tagline, there’s a much greater tempation to agonize over every work–to try to make it perfect. Once you’ve completed at least the main section of your profile you’ll have a much easier time coming up with a tagline that captures its soul. Go ahead and start here. When you come back to this section, your profile-writing  juices will be flowing so fast that the tagline will come easily.

The real key to a great tagline is to somehow inspire curiosity. You can’t reveal the depths of your personality in a single tagline, nor can you communicate how great your CV is (without sounding like a douche). The best you can hope for is to get your reader to think, “There’s something going on here … something different.”

This isn’t to say that you want a crazy, random tagline that says “psychopath” as much as it does “individual”. You want to be congruent with your personality, and with the profile that follows. At the same time, the tagline can afford to be a little more over-the-top, wacky, poetic, or boastful than the rest of your profile. As the distilled essence of your profile, it should pack a little more punch.

Before you read any further, try this exercise: write a few taglines. Follow the same advice offered in Starting Your Profile and Writing Profiles. Relax, have fun, invest nothing in the outcome, and don’t sell! Remember: you’re writing these taglines for your own amusement. You don’t know which (if any) you’ll be using, so none have to be perfect. Bash them out and you’ll start to get a feel for the type of tagline that will work for you.

OK, done? Now that you’ve proven to yourself that you can write your own tagline, it’s time to see what other people are doing. Do a search for people of your own sex and age group, and scan through some taglines. Check out a lot of them–50, 100, or more. Get a feel for what sounds the same and what sounds different. Do this until you get really  bored. Stick with it. We want you yawning.

Now remember that boredom. That’s exactly what you don’t want your reader to feel when reading your tagline. Notice how whenever you came across a slightly different tagline it was like a ray of sunlight? It didn’t even have to be all that funny, or literary, or wild. It just had to give you feeling that the person who wrote it was not exactly the same person who wrote the last 20 taglines.

You probably noticed a number of different styles of tagline. And yes, there are many styles that work. Let’s look at some of the strategies and styles available to you:

The Poetic Tagline

This tagline flows off the tongue. It scans really well. It doesn’t necessarily need to say anything fascinating. But the way the words flow, the asonance, alliteration, and the rhythm, will capture your reader’s eye and make them want to click for more.

“Thrill-seeking sun-lover seeks same”

“Pretty witty kitty chillin’ in the city”

The Incomplete Tagline

The sole aim of the incomplete tagline is to inspire curiosity. Your reader should be thinking, “What happens next??” OK, this type of tagline can also communicate a whole lot more: sense of humor, adventurousness, vast personal wealth, etc. But first and foremost is to hook your reader into clicking.

“A rabbi, and stripper, and an online dater walk into a bar…”

The Quote Tagline

Choosing an obscure quote or song lyric for your tagline might be a little lazy, but it can be an effective strategy. Two things: the quote needs to be pretty obscure, and it needs to stand on its own as a meaningful intro to your profile.

If the quote is obscure enough then most people won’t know it’s a quote, and so will take it at face value. Those who do recognize it will be impressed with themselves for knowing it and will see you as a kindred, clever spirit for being into the same author/musician/movie/cult leader.

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love”

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before”

“Ground control to Major Tom, commencing countdown, engines on”

“They say miracles are past”

The Descriptive Tagline

The descriptive tagline tries to capture your essence by explicitly stating some of your qualities. This is a very common approach, and so if you go with this you should make a special effort to make it interesting and unique.

“Tall, dark, and buddhist”

“Picky bastard, loyal friend”

“International mystery man”

The quirky tagline

If you have a weird sense of humor, and if you’re looking for someone who finds you completely hilarious, then why not portray this side of you from the beginning? Lots of people are going to find you weird – and may be compelled to click because of that. The right people will find you adorable, and be hooked from the start.

“So, you want to survive the zombie apocalypse?”

“Hand-made monster seeks kitten friend”

“Limbs akimbo, teeth apart”

“Flatulent gnome seeks fairy princess”

The Earnest Tagline

Tell it like it is, and really put your emotions out there. The earnest tagline shows that you aren’t afraid to reveal the real you, and this is very important to some people. As much as we encourage honesty, please be careful not to come across as desperate… even if you are.

“Rainy Romanticism- do you feel the same way?”

“Looking for something real”

The Arrogant Tagline

Confidence is attractive. Cockiness is sexy. You can absolutely go too far with it, and it won’t attract everyone … but if this is a part of your personality then one of the best places to portray it is in your tagline. Especially if you can show that you’re not a complete jerk in the profile that follows.

“Sexy Sarcastic Smartass”

“If life hasn’t thrust greatness upon you . . . ”

“Exceptional Seeks Extraordinary”

The Meta Tagline

This type of tagline is awfully clever, an ironic commentary on the nature of online dating. Use only if you want your date to think that you’re awfully clever.

“Witty, totally original tagline”

“Add to Cart”

“Click to download hot guy/girl”

“Hey, is this thing on?”

(OK, this last one was funny the first time. Now it’s way overused. Skip it.)

The Playful Tagline

Lighthearted and fun, the playful tagline shows that you have a positive outlook and don’t take online dating overly seriously.

“Must Love… Books!!!:)”

“Man seeking woman with appreciation of punctuation”

“Previous cuddling experience required… references not necessary”

The Reverse-Psychology Tagline

Demand the opposite of what you want and take advantage of your reader’s rebellious streak. Play hard to get and people will rise to the challenge. Anyone with a sense of humor will realize that you’re being sarcastic, but they will also see that you’re not afraid to push humorless people away.

“No! Don’t Click”

“It’s never going to work out”

“Don’t turn me gay!”

The Edgy Tagline

The edgy tagline involves taking risks, much like the reverse-psychology tagline. If you have somewhat overt or fringe desires, and these are important to you, then don’t be afraid to reveal them. Sure, a lot of people will be turned off, but the right people will be turned WAY on.

“Did the film Secretary intrigue you?”

“Who needs to spanked and why?”

“JEWESS: Why seek forgiveness tonight when you’ve yet to properly sin?”

“It’s Rainy Out. Let’s Eat Cookies And Fuck”

In Where to Start you found your opening lines and the voice of your profile. Now you need to write the first couple (or several) paragraphs. This  is the “About Me” or “In My Own Words” or “Self-Summary” section, and it’s your best chance to communicate your personality.

In this section you’ll want to write a bunch of stuff about yourself.  You’ll want to write about who you are, about what you like, and about who you might like to meet. You’ll want to write something that will tell your reader that you really are kind of great, and that maybe it would be nice to meet you.

But how? What sort of things should you include? How much should you  brag? How honest should you be about your negative qualities? Should you even mention that you would really love to get married within a year, or that you only want one-night-stands?  How do you go about saying any of this?

We’ll get into the nitty-gritty of what you should and shouldn’t say in other articles, and  go into a LOT of detail on the subtle strategies of profile writing. For example [magic bullets] will provide you with deadly ammunition, and [fatal flaws] will help you avoid catastrophic mistakes. At the end of this article we list the most common styles used–the types of things that are most often discussed in profiles. But really, you have one primary aim in the main section of your profile:

Give your reader a glimpse of the real you!

We’ve found that it’s possible to write very successful profiles that include very little specific information–almost no biographical details–but instead are rich with  persona: real windows into who we really are. If you can manage to provide such a glimpse (and we talk about how in great detail, here and elsewhere), then you already stand out from the crowd: a real live person in a sea of same-same. And that’s before you even start talking about how amazing you are.

The key to doing this is to use your voice in your profile. To sound like you! In your opening lines you found the tone; that is, you found which of your voices you want to communicate with. Is it your enthusiastic self? Your seductive self? Your relaxed, earnest, playful, dominant, witty, or dreamy selves? Now you want to talk to your reader in this voice. Again, this voice may shift as you make your way through your profile, but the important thing is that you remain yourself.

To do this, you will use some of the same tricks used in creating your opening lines. Now we don’t want you to write ten profiles and choose the best one. However brainstorming is still a good strategy. Talk to your reader, but don’t invest anything in the outcome. Talk about your life, you passions, your quirks, your desires. Offer anecdotes and lists of favorite things. Describe a hypothetical rendezvous, share your perfect Sunday. Get talking. But do this as yourself, with your voice. Feel free to ramble on.  Once you’ve written a bunch of stuff you’ll go back and edit it, trim bits that don’t work, and be inspired by the bits you liked and expand them.

This freeform approach is important because it stops you investing too much in anything you write. You’re just writing a bunch of stuff, any of which may or may not go into your profile in the end.  There’s nothing to inhibit you from really spilling your guts. Do this, and your personality will shine through. You’ll come up with some great material that sounds like you at your best, at your  most passionate, at your funniest. You’ll also come up with some material that sounds boring, cliched, negative, or self-absorbed.  That’s OK! You can get rid of it later. As you warm up, as you write without stressing too much about each line, your writing juices will get flowing and you’ll get  better and better at this.

Remember: online dating is a skill like any other, and your skill will improve with time and patience.

At this stage in the process there is no right or wrong.  However we will warn you against one mindset that will mess up this process: never try to win over your reader! Do not try to convince anyone that you’re a great person, or that you’d make a perfect  boy/girlfriend, or that you should meet up. Do not try to sell. If you do this you will seem needy, and worse, it will seem like you want something from your reader. Wrong! You are the one who has something great  to offer. If you try to pimp yourself too hard, it will seem like you don’t actually believe any of the things in your profile.  People can sense a salesman from a mile off, so don’t sell.

Instead, communicate as someone who already believes themselves to be pretty damn wonderful, and who doesn’t need to convince anyone else of the fact. Summon all the awesomeness you already have and believe it as you write. Trust us, with this attitude your wonderfulness will shine through. Even if you’re going for a sincere, heart-felt profile style, a little cockiness and self-confidence will make you much more attractive.

OK, so much for writing strategies. But what do you actually say? You’ll want to list off some of the things that make you such a great catch besides your winning personality. You’ll also want to let your  reader know what your looking for in a partner (or friend, or booty call). There are several ways to approach this. We identify six styles of profile. These styles are often best when mixed and matched with each other, but separately they represent the primary approaches to  profile writing.

We will go into a lot of detail on each style – stand by for upcoming articles.  But for now, just a summary of these profile styles:

The Autobiography

In this style, you talk about yourself through your past. You talk about where you came from, list your achievements, discuss significant events in your life, ultimately with a view to explaining how you ended up here, in this city, doing online dating.

The Self Portrait

Caring less about your past, you are instead more interested in talking about your current life. This style is a snapshot, a portrait, of the person you are and the life you lead right now. You talk about a range of likes and dislikes, you list the things you do for fun, describe your work, your favorite holiday destinations, your hobbies.

e-Therapy

Your reader is your therapist, and your computer chair is the psychologist’s couch. You lie back and psychoanalyze yourself for all the online world to see. You talk about your dreams and fears, you delve into your emotions, and most of all you do your very best to describe the type of person you are, and the type of partner you would be.

Dear Santa

In this style you communicate your personality by describing the qualities that you appreciate in others. You talk about your ideal match’s personality, likes and dislikes, passions and dreams, and even beliefs. You reveal yourself through the person you want to be with.

The Collage

In this style you offer a selection of intriguing glimpses into your life, your passions, your dreams, and your quirks. You don’t tell your life story, nor do you give a complete psychological profile. Instead you offer just enough random tid-bits–some fundamental, some minor–to pique interest and convey personality.

Once Upon a Time

In this style you don’t talk directly about your specific qualities, or even about the qualities you desire in others. Instead you offer a series of stories and anecdotes that convey these things. You pepper your tales with clues about your values, desires, history, and circumstances.

We’ve now talked about what to say and, more importantly, about how to say it. You should be in a position to get started on writing a really great profile. We would suggest you get on with it! There are many more articles that talk about the deeper details, the subtle  psychology, even the dirty tricks of this process. For now, get  some words down on a screen. You can always improve it later.

What are you waiting for?

It’s important to start with something that will pique your reader’s curiosity. We’re not talking about the great first line of a literary masterpiece here, but an opening that will make your reader think, “Hmmm.” So, set out with your best foot forward. Begin with high energy, intrigue, or humor. Start with authority! Most importantly, open with something that conveys your personality. You want to find opening lines that speak with your voice. Remember, the reader is here to learn about you. An opening that promises a window into your personality will, by definition, be unique and interesting, and will keep the reader reading.

How do you find the voice that will carry through the rest of the profile, convey your best self, and plant that spark of interest in your reader’s mind?

It’s easier than it sounds. First, try not to think about it too much! If you’re thinking too hard, then you’re not being your most natural self. At the same time,, the very first thing that comes to mind will probably be a little clichéd, and is probably the first thing that came to a lot of people’s minds. Instead, try this: scratch down the first several things that you think of. Brainstorming is a great way to get started. Sit back, relax, free your mind, and stop caring about the outcome of the exercise.

This is the real secret: invest nothing in each line. Just try stuff. Be amused. Pretend that you’re talking to your kid sister, buddy, or cat! Write to an imaginary (or real) hot young stud/babe who has a huge crush on you. Pretend to write to anyone but the potential love of your life. Before long, glimmers of brilliance will appear – or, at least, humor, uniqueness, and authenticity – in your lines. By relaxing and having fun with this process, the authentic voice will come shining through. Go ahead and write five to ten different openings. Include anything and everything that pops into your head.

Here’s an example of this exercise in action. I’ll start by brainstorming:

1. “You’re probably asking yourself how a hottie like me ended up doing online dating. I could ask the same of you.”
2. “Hey, you clicked on my profile. Wouldn’t it be weird if we ended up meeting?!”
3. “Normally I don’t like to brag, but it’s kinda expected here, so let me cut loose and tell you all about how FRIGGIN’ AWESOME I am ”
4. “Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way: I suck at ball sports, I love crappy action flicks, and I dance like a drunk chimpanzee.”
5. “My mom made me do this.”
6. “You’re a nice girl. You should probably turn back now.”
7. “Let me come straight out and tell you what I’m looking for here… You’re charming, brilliant, kind, and honest. You’re the worlds best kisser, and like my cooking.”

Some of them are cheesy, some are too negative, and some are way too arrogant (for me, p’haps not for you). However, the act of writing them got my creative juices flowing. More important, it got me in touch with the *tone* that I want for the profile.

OK? How did that go? Get some good stuff?

Up until now, your mind has been pure, innocent, and fresh. It’s time to be corrupted. It’s time to learn what everyone else is doing. It doesn’t matter if your starting lines express your personality perfectly, and are 100% honest, if a reader has seen this opening in some form a hundred times before, then eyes will be glazing over by the third word. From their perspective, you are indistinguishable from the person who wrote the last profile, and the one before, and the one before that…

Put in some research time. Read the openings of at least 20 other profiles from people in your same sex and age group. This is the best way to really get a feel for what everyone else is doing. Now, don’t do those things!

This research may also uncover some gems – approaches that you didn’t think of in the initial brainstorming session. Don’t be afraid to steal ideas and approaches, but avoid plagiarizing.

At this point, there should be some opening lines with great potential, along with what to avoid. With those opening lines, you’ll also have found the voice of your profile. Whether it’s laid-back and conversational, emphatic and energetic, or even tongue-in-cheek and sarcastic, this voice will sound like you, and it will carry through the profile-writing exercise. The tone may (and probably should) change a little throughout the profile, but the first line sets the mood, and the right mood will convey your personality.

Now choose an opening that you like and get on with the rest of your profile.

Back to our example. Let’s go with conversational, friendly, playful and teasing. Number 2 has a tone I like, and it gets the reader thinking about us as a real person who they might end up meeting. Let’s play with it, flesh it out and add a little more teasing, which is definitely part of my personality:

“Hey, you clicked on my profile. Congrats! Wouldn’t it be weird if you ended up meeting me?! … OK, calm down. Don’t get too excited yet. I’m old fashioned, so let’s get to know each other a bit first. Here are a few things you REALLY need to know about me:”

OK, it’s playful, teasing, and emphatic. It should spark a lady’s curiosity. There’s my starting point. It might change later. For now, it serves a very important purpose: it captures the tone of the profile.